So You Think You Can Volunteer...

It’s been two weeks since we returned from Haryana, India and the most common request I hear these days: "You have to tell me all about it"  leaves me overwhelmed - 2 weeks, 3000 photos and countless connected hearts later I struggle with where to begin, knowing it will never end: the story of how we first met - India and I.

Here is my photo attempt to describe this larger-than-life volunteering experience in 10 Hinglish terms. 

I owe the gratitude for teaching me - all of the following words as well as the ones from Hinglish for Beginners (Part 1 and Part 2) - to this man, we fondly got to call Vicky. Vicky - a devoted Sikh - sat with me many evenings, painstakingly answering my questions, patiently finding matches to numerous expressions I was curious about. He is my teacher-ji aka linguistic specialist.
But to the 10 world-wide-spoiled-brats that came to volunteer and stayed in his care for 15 days -- he was like a mother - counting us (yup, he counted us!), making sure we eat, sleep, have crisp clean clothes to wear and get to places on time. A devoted husband, a man of knowledge and unshakeable faith he makes India proud. Oh how much I miss you, (mom) Vicky!

Vicky and two of my favourite road-trip sidekicks

Let's begin! 

DIL: HEART - A must have on the volunteer's TO BRING list. Not just the beating heart, but the heart wide open.    

It is an asset way more important than a business card, let alone the little letters following your name suggesting your awesome qualifications. Please don't apply to volunteer should you not have a heart at all. And if you got randomly selected and still showed up, forget growing the heart and just bring patience, humility and basic decency. For 😖🔨⚡️🚽‼️'s sake. Bitte!

Be ready for your heart to be ripped out and shredded into pieces right upon arrival - witnessing extreme poverty is not for everyone. Miraculously, that same heart will be all stitched up and glued back together over the next few weeks. It will become bigger and fuller. Mine most certainly did! 

The reality of how 40% of people live - under the poverty line

Homeless sleep at the highway median. And dry their laundry.

Devastating sight of women and children living in poverty

          MUSKURANA: SMILE - Other than at the airport this was my real passport. Despite the immense August heat, I wore it every day, deliberately forgetting my sunglasses. It is a language everyone understands. What a volunteer MUST leave at home: judgement, sarcasm, idea of entitlement and a watch! Life in India always happens on time!

The universal language: smiling eyes & smiling lips 

          SAATH KAM KARNA: COOPERATION - Best described through witnessing the selfless effort of a motorist who for miles helped an overloaded bicycle move through Delhi’s overwhelming traffic. It is a part of the everyday human experience in India. "Paying it forward" at its essence. 

JHAN PEHCHAN: CONNECTION - the tightly-knit community is the main reason for low depression and minuscule suicide rates. One’s wealth is measured in friendships rather than in rupees. 

This is what retirement looks like in India: chai and chat

In two weeks some of us became good friends with our team India - we shared work experiences, enthusiasm for what we do and plenty of laughs.

I ❤️my PSI team!

         ASHIRWAD: BLESSING - Deeply spiritual, Indian people offer blessings even to strangers. I didn’t understand most things said to me, but a hand placed on my head or a fragrant guava offering meant I was welcome and appreciated. 

RANG: COLOUR - The backdrop of India is often bleak - chipped paint, mould stains, piles of broken bricks - but the life within it as vibrant and beautiful and alive and optimistic as it gets.

A girl's heaven: saree shopping!

Women wore the most beautiful fabrics - my fellow volunteer - KFC (a nickname earned on the first day given he is from Louisville - Kentucky!) noticed we have never seen the same pattern, much unlike the GAP! Even the men were not too far behind! 

JAWAN: YOUNG - India is the youngest of nations, its median age being 28. This will be a major asset for growth and the economy. These people are young, eager and have a fantastic work ethic that begins at a very young age.

SHAKTI: LIFE FORCE - Because how else does one explain the resilience despite all obstacles?

Agra mattress delivery service

Loading dry grass on a truck...

... that is tall as the Monkey Temple gate - singlehandedly @ humid 48C

ANAND: JOY - A habitual joyful demeanour overrides the everyday struggle and poverty. People look for ways to be happy and they keep finding them more often then anywhere I have ever seen. 

          Saying that - seeing a blonde woman wave at schoolboys is apparently hilarious! OK, I admit - these guys were so curious they gathered closely around my car . The only thing I had to do was blow a kiss - resulting in the explosion of laughter and teasing about who was the kiss for! Priceless! 

My favourite memory

          ASTHA:  "A deeply-rooted belief in something for which you are ready to do anything". I feel shivers. Everybody should have this clear in their mind and heart. Indian people draw their spiritual strength from their family and their many religions. This is the answer to my most pressing question - how come everybody is so happy? Every breath they take they serve something greater than themselves. 

Her privilege is to clean and prepare flowers for the Hindu temple

FIR MILENGE:  SEE YOU AGAIN - Because of course this can not be the end for me. I have to come back. Soon. 

Hey India, can't wait to see you again!

Always a bride, never a bridesmaid!

The first wedding I ever attended in North America was that of my friend Mary, whom I knew from work. She was the right hand of one of the specialists I worked a lot with in those early years. When she invited me to their wedding I was elated! Firstly, she and John are a great couple. Secondly, they're Scottish and Scottish people I had heard knew how to chill. Thirdly - ok, firstly - there would be bachelors wearing kilts and I was very single back then. I was looking forward to checking out the offerings, if you know what I mean!

[Public notice: Kilt-wearing men and firefighters in uniforms - yes, women often have a thing for that sort of attire, just so you know!]

There was no 'plus one' on my invitation and I pretty much didn't know anyone at the wedding other than the bride, so after an hour or so of people watching I felt compelled to talk to someone. It's moi after all! 

The easiest target was the jolly-looking father of the bride. With his rosy cheeks and cute outfit I was sure I would find something to talk to him about.

"Hi - my name is Marina. I work with Mary." I leaned into him so that he could hear me over the background noise of the talking people and clinking glasses.

 "Congratulations! It must be exciting to be at your daughter's wedding!?" - I said that both as a statement and a question thinking it might propel him into telling me of the many suitors she had turned down while still overseas, finally settling for John in Canada.

"Ayeeee... Weddings!" - he screeched a thick Scottish accent - it sounded like "weedings". He put his arm on my shoulder as if he were about to reveal some rare truth - "It's all rubbish!"  His rough rolling "r" is still ringing in my ears, making me laugh all these years later!

Credit: Black Lamb Photography

And although I too once thought that weddings and marriage were rubbish, this third and last time I tend to love the idea of a marriage. But not the one I grew up with - with the expectation and pressure to find a soul mate slash equally-educated slash gainfully-employed slash 'good genetic material' (ha, ha, ha #youknowwhoyouare) slash no-baggage kind of deal while the biological clock is ticking.

My perfect marriage is the one with the sole-mate, s.o.l.e. - someone with whom you walk effortlessly through this lifetime. Soul-mates are everywhere - most of my girl-friends are my soul mates – but there is only one sole-mate. The one with whom you will aimlessly walk the world's cities. The one who will go with you to the parent-teacher meetings and paediatrician's appointments. The one with whom you will look at funny silly videos on YouTube. The one who will tell me the hotel is booked and so is the car rental and now we just have to hunt for flights. The one who convinces me it's time for an All-You-Can-Eat sushi dinner. The one who appreciates what I do for our family. The one who surprises me with how much he does for our family. And the one who is happy for me go to places like India to fulfill my desire to experience something raw and intrinsically important only to myself.

Tomorrow, one of my dearest and closest friends will say yes to her man. Linda was the very first person I met on my very first day at work in Canada almost seventeen years ago. Let's just say we've been through a lot together. The ups and downs and heartbreaks and real scary moments and hope and courage and joy and infinite love and gratitude. Linda is a soul-mate of mine!

I guess it must be a good thing that Linda and her man decided to have a relaxed ceremony followed by a night of dancing and debauchery (the actual words on the invite!). This means no formal uptight stuff. Just heart and soul and fun stuff. But alas, this also means no bridesmaids. Which consequently means no war with a certain Jen I'm about to meet tomorrow as well as an army of her childhood friends aka "beach-getaway-girl-crew" I was always so jealous of. That's good, because I don't take rejection very well and one clearly can't have 10+ bridesmaids, can one? But I have never been a bridesmaid!!!

And I really wanted to be one for once, dammit!

I can't fall asleep tonight in the sweet anticipation of seeing my friend standing tomorrow gloriously happy. And, oh, happy she is! Congratulations! Félicitations! Čestitamo! Mazel Tov, you guys!

Let me now go to my sole-mate and watch this for the umpteenth time... The supreme court and the slice of lasagna part! OMG!!!

Matt Bellassai - The Worst Things About Weddings

Hinglish for Beginners - Part Two

One of the big surprises of my time in India is the utmost curiosity (UTSUK) about stuff we kinda tend to keep private back at home - age and details of marital status.

Oh, yes - and since I was involved in the diabetes project - body weight.
No darling PSI team, I will not be the subject of the body fat calculation. Not today. More on that in a minute (note to self - time is a stretchable category in India - a minute could easily take half an hour!).

Given my good genes and a sunny demeanor I'm always happy to answer the "How old are you?" question (AAPKI UMAR KITNI HAI?) with "MAIN 46 SAAL KI HOON" (which is true: on the inside I'm not a day over 26; my left shoulder is 66... The package is 46 indeed!)

But when it comes to the question of SHAADI - marriage, I tend to grab my little photo book to the rescue and proudly present my husband and three handsome sons conveniently skipping my personal marriage statistics, let alone the fact that the only thing that I ever needed being arranged for me was that nasty first divorce. 

The above picture is no joke, and I take full credit for snapping that newspaper out of my friend's hands in order to have the marigolds in the frame as we were just about to depart in order to catch the sunrise at the Taj Mahal. We made it there in time! 

Meeting Mr.Right in India is an elaborate process riddled with controversy of casts and religions - marrying up or marrying down - that is often left to parents and matchmakers and can begin pretty much as early as toddlerhood. The new generation of educated and more empowered women fueled by the on-line world is beginning to slowly shift the need for so much assistance. Still, seeing the extremely low divorce rates I wonder whether that is the right thing to do?
One of my friends told my puzzled face with a smile, as a comment to her own arranged marriage: "I love and respect my parents so much that I know they will choose better for me than I would have chosen for myself". What started with an exchange of photographs and has been arranged, indeed turned to be real, true love for a very long time now. When I was trusted to arrange my own first marriage at age 24, the prevalent criteria was my then extremely low self-esteem. Having my wise mom and my good dad point out at least a smarter direction let alone an actual smart man, would have been both helpful and welcome! 

On that note, Canadian single ladies - I met a few terrific bachelors while here - young, educated, with impeccable work ethics and handsome enough to model for the cover of the GQ! You know how to find me! My only ask is that you remember to invite me to your big fat Indian wedding. I'll help you decorate your house!

And also sit with you for hours applying henna from the tips of the fingers all the way to the elbows. What an extraordinarily beautiful and bonding way for women to celebrate their friendship and femininity and the upcoming forever love!

That Indian minute is up so I will go back to the topic of body weight that is oh, so taboo in North America. 

Fact number one - at 5'6" (157cm) I'm really tall - I'm towering over most women and men in group photographs! 

Initially devastating to my body image, on my first day in India, my shopping for the colorful long shirts (KURTI) ended up in the L-3XL section! #shocking

At home I'm a medium, for crying out loud!

Fact number two - being a bit chunky is considered attractive in India! It suggests health, wealth and prosperity. Who knew!?

Lakshmi Narayan or the Birla temple in Delhi requires visitors to surrender their smartphones and cameras otherwise I would have placed right here a photo of a beautiful statue of the Hindu Goddess Durga - the Mother Goddess also known as Shakti (a powerful word that means life force). It is confidently showing her belly button section that - seriously - looks just like mine, those 46 years and three pregnancies later!

Fact number three: body-shaming is a man-made disease that doesn't spread this far! It's a myth. Women of all generations rock wearing their Saree's, their middle section sometimes fully exposed - it's kind of liberating to recieve a permission to be you, wearing your own flesh and skin, regardless of color, age and shape. Revolutionary!

I'm committed to be getting there: to fully and unconditionally love my body and consider it a sacred temple for my soul.

In the meantime a group of Indian girlfriends from work helped me put on the Saree for the first time today, giggling because initially at home, I've got it all wrong despite a handful of safety pins. They totally ignored me as I begged for full coverage. The result?

I have never felt more beautiful -SUNDAR!

(to be continued...) 

Hinglish for Beginners

I'm in India.

My heart is on fire. 

My tastebuds are awake. 

My sense of belonging to one giant human family has never been more palpable. 

Here is why:

Like many travelers before me I too had that somewhat shocking first experience of getting out of the Delhi airport only to be slammed with the heat (GARMI) & humidity (HUMAS) and the non-stop soundtrack of honking traffic (PARIVAHAN) - after all, the colorful back of every truck politely requests "Horn Please!"

The weather app prepared me for it - it's August at the tail end of the Monsoon season in Northern India. 

What I wasn't prepared for is what I discovered when I met the real India.

KHANDAN - Generations

Unlike North America, where grandparents visit only on Thanksgiving, India has the watchful eyes and the tender hands around their little ones all of the time. People live in close quarters and kids are free to run around with their siblings yet always return to that one safe lap waiting for them. 

BHAIYA - Big brother

He is 15, his sister is 1 - and just as if she was the rarest of flowers her big brother carried her and proudly showed her to me when I visited, bragging she can already walk. And she has no diaper!!! 

This 7 yr old friend of mine, who followed our group all throughout his rural village, tucked at my sleeve then ran away with impressive speed - knowing we will pass by his home. Then just as we walked by he presented me with all the glow of the big brother: the royal highness his baby sister! He abruptly woke her up from her nap - hence the grumpy look - so that I can hold her in my arms. It is considered good luck.

And finally - my own big brother in India: 

World, meet Ashwani - my big brother. And a driver who picked me up from the airport at almost midnight of India's Independence Day. And when he folded over in Iaugher seeing my dumbfounded face as I attempted to sit at the front right seat forgetting that's where the stirring wheel is - I knew we would get along just great. No - better than great!

Far from his village of birth in the mountainous Himachal Pradesh, driver-ji - the nickname I coined for him - is a genius at what he does: navigating the Indian traffic as if motorcycles and trucks and an abundance of seemingly suicidal pedestrians and ignorant cows were not interrupting his path every single second. If I had to drive here I would have stayed at the first intersection for about a month. Then ran over someone within the next 60 seconds, guaranteed. How on earth did Ashwani see in pitch dark a black cow lying on the Delhi - Jaipur highway as we conquered the "golden triangle" in 2.5 days - his three still alive and greatful passengers will never understand. His art is driving (GADI CHALANA) and he is pure genius! 

Thank you (DANYAVAD)!!!

Perhaps this is a good time to tackle what everyone knows will be waiting for them in India - witnessing extreme poverty and slums (JHUGI JHOPRI). 

My most heartbreaking moment was when we passed by one of Delhi's biggest slums that lies a busy highway across from the mountain - stray dogs, cows and pigs roaming up its very top in search of food. And the sinking feeling when driver-ji rolled down the window and the eye-watering stench overtook the last cubic millimeter of air and I realized it is not a mountain at all - it is an insurmountable pile of garbage. And people live mere meters away from it. And that is where their kids play. And all their kids will know. Forever. Tears.

But then again - in the midst of ruins and piles of broken bricks and dust and potholed roads and black slushy canals...

all I saw was smiles (MUSKURANA) and happiness (KUSH). Somehow - I don't know how - but living conditions or amount of rupees in the pocket doesn't seem to matter - regardless whether we were in a rural village...

... or in the more urban setting.

All I ever saw was joy (ANAND) - smiling, happy people. 

My heart is on fire. Now you know why. 

(To be continued)